The Schizophrenic Church

Last week I received the weekly e-news from our United Methodist Conference Center of WI (Wisconsin United Methodist Mother Ship), dated Oct. 27, 2010.  Here's one one of the briefs from around the state:

OUR LORD'S UMC MEMBER VICTIM OF HATE CRIME

Lauren Meyer, a member of Our Lord's United Methodist Church in New Berlin and a freshman at The University of Wisconsin Whitewater, was recently assaulted with anti-gay epithets and punched in the face for wearing a "Legalize Gay" T-shirt. The attack prompted a student rally for tolerance, which was featured in a Channel 12 news story. Lauren and her family have been active at Our Lord's United Methodist Church for many years. Lauren has helped with Vacation Bible School and participated in United Methodist Youth Fellowship and Convo events. Her father is part of the church's confirmation teaching team. Please pray for Lauren and her family and write to Our Lord's United Methodist Church administrative assistant Linda Gugel at Linda@ourlordsumc.org if you would like to send Lauren notes of support.

Bad, right?  Horrible, in fact!  This woman got hit in the face by people she didn't know,

for an opinion expressed on a T-shirt!  That is messed up! 

Want more horrible news?

Right now, in the same Conference (institutionally equivalent to a synod, diocese, etc.), a fellow clergywoman is being charged with being a "self-avowed, practicing homosexual" & for having officiated at a holy union.  These are "chargeable offenses" in our denomination-- and the likely penalty?  The loss of her clerical credentials.  What an ecclesiastical punch in the gut!

But are you seeing what I'm reading?!

In regard to Lauren-- a bad, violent incident; "THE Church" publicly stands behind her in a weekly email that goes out to all the clergy and probably hundreds of lay people in the state.  (This is good & what we should be doing as Christians...).  But in regard to Rev. Amy DeLong-- a clergywoman in good standing; "THE Church" puts her on trial for loving and caring for people!!  (This is terrible-- schizophrenic even!)  And... what have you heard about it?!  Shhhhh... it's a secret....this one won't be showing up in the weekly e-news!

Adam, Eve, & Amanda

This past week I was at a MFSA (Methodist Federation for Social Action) meeting in Chicago.  I mentioned to a fellow clergyman that I serve a church in Madison, WI and he says to me, "Man- you are SO lucky!  You get to serve a church in the coolest city in the Midwest!"

I took the compliment, thought about it for a minute, and then questioned in my mind if he was right.  Coolest "mid-size" city in the Midwest maybe?!  Then, the next day, I came home to Madison.  It was October 31, "Freakfest" in the Mad-city.  It's one of the largest Halloween celebrations around-- this year some 55,000 people (crazies) were on State St.

My husband, Jason, and I went downtown that night to check out some of the costumes, & happened to meet up with a couple of the church.  As you can see from the posted photo here, we also met up with Adam & Eve.

I'm now posting this picture to the world-- me, my parishioners, and two unknown people in body stockings at 45 degrees.

Did I mention that the wife of the couple sits on the Staff-Parish Committee (which supervises me) and the husband is my Finance/Stewardship Chair?

The dude was right.  I DO live and minister in the coolest city, with the coolest people, in the Midwest.  Period.

The Janie

Yes!  I am tired of the traditional dickey riding up and twisting around my neck!  Thank God I found the Janie!

 

New fabric and a concealed zipper in our improved Janie! The Janie is our version of a dickey but for women. Tired of the traditional dickey riding up or twisting around your neck?

 

 

Found a Funny One

Hey all,

Found a funny one last week. I've been preaching on the Seven Deadly Sins and so I googled "venial sins, examples," and found myself on a Catholic website. Yeah, yeah, you guessed it-- I'm going to crack on the Catholics (the hierarchy anyway...). But- before I do, two things you need to know: 1- I'm married to a self-declared "cultural Catholic" so with that and for other reasons, I do appreciate the many contributions of the Catholic Church; 2- To be ecumenically fair, I'm going to crack on the UM Church too.

So the funny thing? On this site, you can "ask an apologist"- a theologian who speaks on behalf of the church- a question about polity or doctrine (Catholic Answers). HOWEVER, see the posting rules noted below:

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Posting Rules

You may not post new threads

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Is that funny or what?! Isn't that telling of the life of the Catholic Church- articulated so clearly, so boldly, at the bottom of some random Church homepage? Basically, you can ask a question-- any question, and yes, you'll get an answer. But that's where your input stops! NO responding, no feedback, no new contribution- thank you very much! "No" is the response to any outside commentary-- even online. Now that's funny stuff.

So on to the Methodists: In reading the Circuit Rider, our UM clergy magazine, a page was dedicated to "Sermon Starters- from Rethink Church," our denomination's latest effort to revive the Church. One of the suggestions was a 'video idea' that came from UMTV where they thought we should watch the series "Church in a Box." As it states so innocently, "a church solves space issue by expanding to a second site, with a worship center in a box..."

Hello?! Bad branding!! Doesn't anyone at the top watch late-night TV? Can I just say "Church in a Box" is even worse than Apple's new "iPad" in relation to women's monthly hygiene! Is anyone getting me here? Because of its off-color nature, all I'm going to say is THREE things: SNL, 2006, & Justin Timberlake. That's all I'm saying...that's ALL I'm saying...

Whoa, Ecclesiastical Catastrophe Averted!

Long story short: Valentine's Day fell on a Sunday and I thought to myself-- a GREAT day to receive new members at Trinity! (Truth be told, it was a bit of a weird Sunday. Due in part to my poor worship planning that one day was: New Member Sunday, Mardi Gras Sunday-- the last Sunday before Lent with live jazz, the final Sunday of my sermon series 'Sex and Sexuality,' Valentine's Day, and-- our annual Boy Scout Sunday. Yes. REALLY.).

One woman who'd planned on either being "welcomed" as a friend or joining as a member was unable to come to our New Members Class the day before. Then, she and I weren't able to communicate until Sunday morning about which she would prefer. ANYWAY, after brief check-in with her just minutes before worship, she decided that she'd go with the "friend" option and join the church on a later date.

Only days later, in reflection did I realize I'd averted a huge ecclesiastical catastrophe! This sweet woman, as far as I know, hasn't been baptized - a "must!" to join a UM church! Uff da! That was a close one! Thankfully, she and I are both well after this near-miss (no lightning bolts from heaven as far as I know), but this was just another reminder to me that as a pastor I can never be off my game-- not even for a minute.

Doing Good for "The Ridiculous"

A couple months ago I got word that my former roommate from seminary will become a DS as her new appointment, starting in July. (In United Methodist-speak that means that she'll move from pastoring a church to being a "District Superintendent"-- as close as our denomination comes to being "knighted." She'll get to participate in meetings with the Bishop and tell pastors "where to go"- literally, as part of the UM appointment system).

She and I have only shared passing voice mails since then, but as her former roommie it's my job to share this news with the world. With this move, we, the outsiders, finally have an "in" to the secret society of the church hierarchy. I felt I needed to quote her in my blog (definitely WITHOUT her permission) with her initial message to me. (If I'd ASKED her "ok," she might have told me "no"...! Now THAT wouldn't have been any fun!) Her message is in response to me asking if she, as a DS now, was too good to talk to me any more since she wasn't answering her phone. Here it is:

"Hey you **** , you know where I was the whole freakn' day?! I was sitting in a *** **** Cabinet meeting! I... have absolutely no idea how the **** I got there-- but I can't wait to talk you about that! It's been a bit of a wild ride the last month.. but um.... I don't know what the **** I got myself into, but I think maybe we can do some good on behalf of ridiculous people everywhere... I don't know... but anyway.. I can't wait to talk to you; but I'm on my way home.. but, umm..driving and talking on the cell phone, which I shouldn't do... So..umm.. I will hopefully talk to you in the near future, but I haven't seen my husband in 4 days, so if I don't pick up the phone, you'll know why. Bye!"

Yeah, if you're reading this blog things are probably starting to make sense why this woman and I were such good roommates. This "irreverent rev" and ol' roommie had just a few commonalities (see also "Why I Swear"). What I liked about her message, of course, is the great, colorful content-- everything that she "shouldn't be doing" as a pastor-- swearing, talking on the cell phone while driving long distances through the mountains at night (admittedly so- but does it anyway) and adds a little innuendo there at the end. It doesn't get much better than this.

Yes, my friends, God does work in mysterious ways. And yes, it's a good day for "The Ridiculous" everywhere.

Cat Communion

I'm about to enter into what no one should ever do in blogging: write about her pets and children. I know, I know... so cliche and so not funny to anyone else who's not related to these creatures... But REALLY, this is a good one.

So the other day we're sitting down for a family meal, with little Poppin' Fresh buns hot out of the oven, and my four-year-old grabs one immediately. He starts tearing it apart and begins (obviously) to mock me (mother and pastor) by pretending to offer communion at church. But he does so... bending over his chair to the floor to offer communion to the cat. "Wanda (whiny voice and twisted face), Jesus loves you." He then proceeds to outstretch his little, fat hand to give the cat the crumpled bread.

To make sure that he's offended everyone in the household, he finishes this act by "crossing" himself. Husband, Jason- the "cultural Catholic," does not find the gesture funny.

Don't miss the photo here of Wanda, our (almost) hairless cat.