Shhhh...

Shhhhhhh…I don't know what I'm doing… 

Shhhh…. Be quiet—and don't tell anybody-- I re-realized today that I have NO idea what I'm doing as a pastor.  It's not that I don't know what I'm doing in the sense of "hey, what's up for ministry today?…" but more so--  "how in the heck did I get here?!" and "shhhh… don't tell anyone I don't know what I'm doing 'cuz they'll come and pull the plug on me!" 

I say this cuz…well…. (personal confession coming) before becoming a pastor of a church I don't think I attended worship more than 50 times in my life.  Now, to some of you that might sound like a lot—but let's remember there are 52 weeks in a year and I'm now running this place with people looking to ME to know what in the heck to do—like "REALLY" what to do (family, relationships, addictions, health concerns, life, death,… you get the idea…). 

I went to church for a few high holidays with my family as a kid.  Went to church a few times during college and sang in a gospel choir.  Guess I did go to Mass with some Catholic boyfriends too (does that really count, tho? I wasn't really concentrating on the divine—but more earthly things like hot boyfriends).  And then the biggie—I finally went to seminary and got placed as a pastoral intern (required that I attend church).  Lived in France and Latin America and slept in a lot on Sunday mornings—no church-going there. 

Then—I came to Trinity United Methodist Church in Madison, WI and got placed as the one and only pastor to lead a flock of 100.   

Were they crazy?  Who put me here—and what were they thinking?! What kind of stunt was that?!  I wake up on mornings like today and think that some reality-show host is going to jump out at me and tell me that the gig is up and it's all already posted on YouTube—my pseudo life ruined.  Darn, I'll think, I'll have had a good run at it, too. 

But—since I have gotten away with it for seven years—(turning slightly professorial here..) let me shed a little light on the topic.  Truth is—I don't think we need or maybe even want life-long church people running the church.  If you want some grim facts—google United Methodist Church and words like "attendance" or "membership"—our denomination has been plummeting for decades.  "Doing church" as usual hasn't worked—and these have been smart, capable "churched" people.  I could write a whole sermon here, but I think congregations could stand to have other outsiders (clueless folks like me) join in and move things around, shake things up a bit.  Not that we can or will solve everything—but at least things would be "different," as we Midwesterners say.  Not necessarily good, or bad—but different.  And because-- even "different" looks better than "dead."  Oh, and by the way—we love Jesus just as much—we just met him yesterday. 

That's about all I have to say about that.  And don't forget – shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  This is our little secret—ok?